I saw this article on thenet.ng written by Chris
Ogunlowo and I found it so hilarious that I had to
share it here. It's famous Nigerians as diseases.
Enjoy below...
1. Wizkid Syndrome: A chronic tendency to
create catchy and repetitive hits to a loyal fan
base with a boyish charm that induces envy
from peers and late-bloomers, which also hides
the fact, that one is approaching quarter-life.
2. Davidotis: A psychiatric condition whereby a
sufferer survives speculations of whether
genuine talent or one’s father’s wealth is the
source of one’s success, alongside a pervading
comparison with an equally talented whiz-kid.
3. Tuface Syndrome: A rare syndrome that occurs
when prodigious talent meets prodigious baby-making
ability but with a legendary status, strong social
equity and a staying power that keep a whole
industry in awe.
4. D’banj Obsessive Disorder: A disease
characterized by the feeling that one’s best days are
firmly behind and, as a result, one looks for outlets to
compensate for fading stardom and income, including
taking relief in farming-
5. Dangotiosis: A condition marked by an obsession
with Dangote‘s wealth, only curable by a decision to
mind one’s own business.
6. Lindapilepsy: A strong and strange resentment that
occurs when news of Linda Ikeji’s wealth arises,
which is commonly observed among struggling
publicists, jealous digital marketers, hungry
journalists, and retired or rival bloggers.
7. Iyanyamariasis: The abnormal ability of a cell to
spot errors in its former ways before proceeding to
create a trademark style that takes waist gyrations to
nerve-racking heights with performances worthy of
Mr. Universe Pageantry.
8. Tontolitis: The debilitating ability to sustain fame
in an erratic way as it was acquired while still smiling
to the bank.
9. PSquarisasis: When two malignant cells take the
understanding of a market to unprecedented heights
resulting in a dominance previously thought impossible
and doing it with a discernible Igbo accent.
10. Don Jazzy Disorder: A disorder that makes an
organ produce back-to-back hits and maintain a
social equity that can embarrass pastors and
politicians, including a social media addiction and an
idiosyncratic singing style that impresses.
11. Kceeosis: A cell’s ability to confuse celebrity with
a right to make embarrassing wardrobe choices and a
knack for coming out even more horrendous than a
previous time despite public outcry and bile from
popular bloggers.
12. Jenniferiasis: The ability of an organ to exhibit
behavior that would ordinarily be considered razz to a
point where the lines between acting and reality are
blurred but compensated with popular adulation and
brand endorsements.
13. MIplasia : A type of dwarfism that compensates
the lack of bone growth with incredible rhyming
prowess and a persona capable of inducing endless
admiration and beef from hustling rappers.
14. Ice Prince Cerebral Cramps: A disorder that
causes exaggerated hip-hop postures, a rigid
conformity to infantile end-rhymes that turn rap songs
into mainstream classics and also results in multiple
awards than most “serious” rappers.
15. Mode Complex: An affliction that causes an artist
to be the default reference for prodigious & clever
wordplay that, sadly, does not correlate with the
amount of albums sold or account balance, a living
proof of the saying: ‘grammar no be money’.
16. Dakolomentality: A rare psychotic disorder that
inflicts a sufferer with unlimited guttural talent but
indistinctive brand positioning & packaging.
17. Olamide Palsy: A malignant tumor that involves a
blatant display of one’s ethnicity and background
combined with traits mostly reserved for touts but
interestingly made into a premium musical package
that surprises earlier sufferers of the same tumor who
faded into obscurity.
18. Phynognomy: A severe condition similar to
Olamide Palsy but with an Igbo flair and an ability to
turn what would have been a bad hair day for most
into a phenomenal signature look.
19. Bella Naija Syndrome : An affliction whereby the
Nigerian national man-hour is spent keeping track of
who wore what to where until one wakes up to the
reality of a wasted lifetime.
20. Kedike Syndrome: A syndrome that causes a
sufferer to endure a clean image despite the
presence of a latent sexuality which experts guess
might lead to a Rihanna Crisis or, in the extreme, a
psychiatric condition of Miley Cyrus proportions....
